I did that tonight.
I saw a link a friend had posted to a blog by a girl about my age who lost her baby girl Maddie just 3 days after her 4 month birthday. They think it was SIDS; Maddie fell asleep for a nap at the babysitter's house and never woke up. I clicked on the link, read the first few lines, and knew that reading the blog would be a bad idea. But I did it anyway. I read all the way back to her post on Maddie's 4 month birthday, Valentine's Day, just 3 days before she died. I read from that cheerful post recounting all the new things Maddie was doing as a 4 month old, to the next post explaining how her princess was now in heaven. I read all of her posts since then and just bawled like a crazy woman. Here I am, just sitting alone in our living room, hyperventilating over a woman I don't even know.
I may not know her, but my heart just aches for her pain. To leave for work one morning not realizing that you would never see your perfectly healthy, happy 4 month old baby again.
I finished reading, blew my nose about 15 times, splashed cold water on my face, and went into Landon's room where he was already sound asleep in his crib. I picked him up and just held him and rocked him while he slept and cried and cried. I am *so* thankful for this precious gift God has given to Kyle and me. I don't want to take him for granted either. I want to cherish every spit up on my shirt, every snot wiped in my hair, every diaper blow out just as much as I cherish all his smiles, laughs, and screeches, because everything about him is a gift.
So even though I don't know Kellie, or even where she lives, I'm praying for her tonight, and probably every day for awhile, because I don't even want to try to imagine how her heart is hurting. But as bad as an idea as it may have been to read her blog, I'm glad I did it, because it forced me to slow down, put off the laundry, the reading, the dishes, and all the other things I was planning to do so I could just cherish holding my sleeping son.
I love you, Landon.
2 comments:
So so so very true, Tracy. I too, clicked and read that website, probably about a week ago, and found it to be just as sad and unimaginable as you did.
There's another blog I read, a family that lives in CA, and their little baby was born with a ton of health issues and birth defects, and it's so sad to read about. You wonder why you do, but if nothing else, it really forces you to slow down and be SO aware of the blessings you have. God is so good.
live without regrets, love passionately, laugh often and in everything give thanks to God for the precious gift of life. kiss my boy for me!
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